he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We left the knife in your bed.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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