I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
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woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
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And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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