I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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