i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I didn't notice because vodka
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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