drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
