I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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