We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
