Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
