I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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