6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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