So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
