Yo dont text me then not text me
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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