WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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