I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
