i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
