We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
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