i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
my being single is dangerous.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
