I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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