Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
