I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
