I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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