Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
