are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
