Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
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WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
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also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Who died my cat blue again?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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