I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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