1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
