somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You have to summon your inner elephant
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
