Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
