when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
No subtext here. People are naked.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
