Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
