We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
