I'm lost and stupid without you.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
