Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
