So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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