it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I checked into jail on foursquare
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
