We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Verdict: uncircumcised.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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