we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
We have so much sex to catch up on
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
