he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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