I wish you could order shots online.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
