We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
