i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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