The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
