she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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