He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
