Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
