It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
