Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
