Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
She announced her abortion via fbk
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
