Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
