his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
It's not a walk of shame if you run
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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