I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
