And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
