Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
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He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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