he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
