Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
