Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
