you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
