Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
