i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
