was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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