You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
