what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Randomize
