I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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