btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
