is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
