I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
My ass is underappreciated
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
