This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
