Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
