Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
