so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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