I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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