I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
