You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
