When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
