you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
You smell like stripper and shame
you win again, gameday.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
